Dear Supreme Commander,

MC Pee Pants checking in with you…but, sadly I’m not here to report a kill. I’m here to offer some advice to these would be killers. You see, common traits associated with assassins include: stealth, surprise, cunning, deception, subtlety, creativity. Some of your assassins do take such words to heart. Others, like the fellow in the attached pic, do not. This fellow was spotted on the L train this evening sporting black pants tucked into combat boots and a rather cumbersome looking tactical vest. He brandished an orange super soaker like he was patrolling Penn Station…this fellow does not look like an assassin…more like a bike messenger that watched the Blade films one too many times. The fool happily conversed with strangers (regretfully…not even women) about the nature of our game and loudly proclaimed his target and how he intended to dispatch him.

Another guy was spotted not ten minutes later on Bedford – walking his dog and holding his super soaker in plain sight. My dear killers – assassins do not walk dogs. Hell they shouldn’t even own one – cats are a killer’s best friend. I would have snapped another pic but I would have had to get too close…and assassins do not take unnecessary risks.

Anyways kids…good luck and see you on the streets. But don’t make it so easy, ok?

For the attention of Moustache Commander

Imagine a club so exclusive that only a select few members are admitted
every year and not even all the money in the international banking system
would get you membership����

A club with whom once you belong, girls will fall to at your feet, men will
offer you their wives, and children will have posters of you on their
bedroom walls.

Now imagine that two people who you knew might, just might, be able to sort
you membership of this club. This club goes by the name of the Handlebar
Club (www.handlebarclub.co.uk).

Even though membership will be even harder for you to gain since the test
for qualification for membership is "a hirsute appendage of the upper lip,
with graspable extremities" and we're not sure exactly how graspable your
extremities are����.. with our connections we're certain that you'd still be
able to gain full membership.

However, although we'd love to do this as a favour for you, as you know
there's no such thing as a free lunch. Therefore unfortunately we'd really
only be able to pull a few strings to matriculate you into the Handlebar
club if you returned our favour.

Short of canceling all death warrants on our heads and letting us win the
game (and in the processes being able to post up pictures of the Beautiful
Rana on your website), we'd be grateful if either our targets could be
eliminated- they're incredibly boring and never come out to play or that
they're at least invited to a location in Soho where we can wet-up their
punkasses�

If you could return the favour, which we're confident that you can, then the
doors to the Handlebar Club and the key to eternal coolness would be flung
open.

Looking forward to helping each other out....

Tony and Rana

P.S.
If you're yet to be convinced we think you should know that only full
members of the Handlebar Club are exclusively allowed to wear it's tie,
which has a series of off-white moustaches on a maroon background�..
something that no serious leader of an organization such as yours should be
seen without.

I�m so annoyed that I never met either of you at your fabulous suite at the Great Eastern. I would have loved the opportunity to share a drink with you both and show your bitches a thing or two.

Maybe this is still possible at the after-kill party in London? Will we be blessed with the presence of both all-mighty commanders?

In the mean time could I offer you my body in exchange for some guidance, info, help, anything! The fucker we�re trying to hunt down is proving to be an annoying little shit and any positive influence from the Shadow Government would be greatly appreciated and hugely rewarded (if you know what I mean�)

I await your response with anticipation.

Agent PP (Persian Princess)